It has to be said. There are a lot of absolute wankers on Facebook, and it Drives Me Insane. Easy solution you say? Delete them? Well.. to be honest I would if their posts didn't provide me with topics to bitch to my friends about. Everyone does it..... right?
Who doesn't want to find out the juicy goss on the star couple who have just split up due to an infedelity.. who doesn't want to watch as they have an argument worthy of popcorn and an ezy-chair? Hell, sometimes I feel like plugging the damn laptop into the TV and adding commentary. But the best thing usually is when you are around at that critical moment when names get mentioned and you see them there for three seconds before they get deleted. What an honour! Naturally this is perfect material for a three hour phone call to your bestie describing how much of a slut she is, and how much he deserved it.
What about the pure elation you get from finding an open profile!? Especially an open profile of the fat bitch that stole your best friend? That is pure gold. I love reading how she is having trouble finding a bloke to settle down with, all the while I'm wondering how long it's gonna take her to try to fuck my ex-best-friends boyfriend. I pretty much know for a fact she will try to, she is so stupid. And she's done it before. Whilst I am no longer best friends with my ex-best-friend I don't want to ever see her get hurt, but I do want see the fat bitch who caused the fallout to suffer ridicule and sniggers. But not at my ex-best friends cost. Ever. She's smarter than that
And there's always this one chick who, at any given point in time, is sick. Or whining. Nothing is ever interesting, and they are the biggest attention seekers you could find. They like their own statuses, and stick their nose into everyones business but hate it when people do it to them. Which is fuckin funny now that I'm thinking of it actually, because darling, if you post it on Facebook you're kinda telling the world.. it aint no fuckin secret!
OMG *snicker* what about the FML statuses that one guy always puts up, which say noone cares.... and when someone responds they reply with "don't worry about it" What.the.fuck? Dude, just a side note, if you do that on a daily basis I'm preeeeety sure people will end up hoping you delete them in your next cull. Or fall off a cliff, whichever may happen to come first. Don't hate me when I invite you on a rock climbing course, I'm just trying to help you out. Really.
"Like this and I will rate you" ... "like this if you will cry if I die", .. fuck off you little mmmboppity teeny bopper. Nothing screams immature attention seeking and underaged like these types of posts. There's a massive reason why I don't add anyone under the age of 18 to my friends list.. those updates and your fucking goofy duck-lips-in-the-toilet profile picture. Nothing like being unique these days. Loveys and gentlechilds, grow some pubic hair, and when your balls drop you can try to re-enter society.
Oh, and a massive con-fucking-gratulations to those with over two thousand friends. You are popular.. aren't you? The numbers make you feel like you are, don't they? Nothing like having two thousand friends and no one likes any of your statuses. A huge pat on the back for having the ability to use the "add friend" button. No..honestly, well done. What a skill to have to further your prospects in life.
I thank the heavens for the people with a sense of humour. For the ones who post interesting, insightful updates. I'm not even being smart right now... these are the types of people I can be friends with. Thankyou to those who finished their English class before their bong. Thankyou to those who don't inbox you the second you go online, to those who don't post an update of their new hair colour every week. To those who actually say hi to you down the street. To those who don't add you just because you shared a drunken night with once.... and to those who don't add the photos to prove it
(no, a massive thankyou, I'm more than likely cringing or fantasisng about that kiss every time I see their name)
One last thing..... when is Facebook going to change their name to TwoFacedBook?
written exclusively by Briohazard 13th January 2012
Who doesn't want to find out the juicy goss on the star couple who have just split up due to an infedelity.. who doesn't want to watch as they have an argument worthy of popcorn and an ezy-chair? Hell, sometimes I feel like plugging the damn laptop into the TV and adding commentary. But the best thing usually is when you are around at that critical moment when names get mentioned and you see them there for three seconds before they get deleted. What an honour! Naturally this is perfect material for a three hour phone call to your bestie describing how much of a slut she is, and how much he deserved it.
What about the pure elation you get from finding an open profile!? Especially an open profile of the fat bitch that stole your best friend? That is pure gold. I love reading how she is having trouble finding a bloke to settle down with, all the while I'm wondering how long it's gonna take her to try to fuck my ex-best-friends boyfriend. I pretty much know for a fact she will try to, she is so stupid. And she's done it before. Whilst I am no longer best friends with my ex-best-friend I don't want to ever see her get hurt, but I do want see the fat bitch who caused the fallout to suffer ridicule and sniggers. But not at my ex-best friends cost. Ever. She's smarter than that
And there's always this one chick who, at any given point in time, is sick. Or whining. Nothing is ever interesting, and they are the biggest attention seekers you could find. They like their own statuses, and stick their nose into everyones business but hate it when people do it to them. Which is fuckin funny now that I'm thinking of it actually, because darling, if you post it on Facebook you're kinda telling the world.. it aint no fuckin secret!
OMG *snicker* what about the FML statuses that one guy always puts up, which say noone cares.... and when someone responds they reply with "don't worry about it" What.the.fuck? Dude, just a side note, if you do that on a daily basis I'm preeeeety sure people will end up hoping you delete them in your next cull. Or fall off a cliff, whichever may happen to come first. Don't hate me when I invite you on a rock climbing course, I'm just trying to help you out. Really.
"Like this and I will rate you" ... "like this if you will cry if I die", .. fuck off you little mmmboppity teeny bopper. Nothing screams immature attention seeking and underaged like these types of posts. There's a massive reason why I don't add anyone under the age of 18 to my friends list.. those updates and your fucking goofy duck-lips-in-the-toilet profile picture. Nothing like being unique these days. Loveys and gentlechilds, grow some pubic hair, and when your balls drop you can try to re-enter society.
Oh, and a massive con-fucking-gratulations to those with over two thousand friends. You are popular.. aren't you? The numbers make you feel like you are, don't they? Nothing like having two thousand friends and no one likes any of your statuses. A huge pat on the back for having the ability to use the "add friend" button. No..honestly, well done. What a skill to have to further your prospects in life.
I thank the heavens for the people with a sense of humour. For the ones who post interesting, insightful updates. I'm not even being smart right now... these are the types of people I can be friends with. Thankyou to those who finished their English class before their bong. Thankyou to those who don't inbox you the second you go online, to those who don't post an update of their new hair colour every week. To those who actually say hi to you down the street. To those who don't add you just because you shared a drunken night with once.... and to those who don't add the photos to prove it
(no, a massive thankyou, I'm more than likely cringing or fantasisng about that kiss every time I see their name)
One last thing..... when is Facebook going to change their name to TwoFacedBook?
written exclusively by Briohazard 13th January 2012
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