I am deliriously in love with my vibrator. I love it’s purpleness and lights and bajillion buttons. I even have called it Percy. Percy is the centre of my nighttime ritual and no man or his dog comes between me and my fun time. Well, let me rephrase that… unless the dog is Rhona Mitra and the man is Jim Parsons then yes, of course I will make allowances for disruptions.
Can you imagine what sex would be like with Jim? In character of course.. so I will need to refer to him as Sheldon. I’m not whacked.. that guy is so fucking intelligent not only is it a massive turn on but with all of his know how about bits and bobs I’m pretty damn certain he would be the one and only guy in this universe that didn’t fuck using the in-out-in method. I would almost guarantee he would take it from a physiological approach and absolutely abuse the power of knowledge to my extreme benefit.. not too loudly I hope, pretty sure my mother in law wouldn’t appreciate it. Or my husband for that matter.
Add in Rhona Mitra- isn’t she just a plate of goodness? If I could take her right off of my TV screen during Boston Legal and pop her into my pocket I would. Again, in character. I’m not stupid, I already know in real life they’re nothing like their portayals.. I watch them on TV- they’re real enough… right?
Obviously not though, which brings us back to the point of why I own a vibrator and am realistic about the whole situation. Isn’t it funny.. majority of us own one but majority of people go red or giggle when you mention the dreaded V word. I am not one to be embarrassed, as you will come to learn. BUT I do make an exception to the one time I was popping over my girlfriend and her hubby’s house for their family Christmas.
No shit, everyone was exchanging gifts. Her mum, her cousins, her grandmother, his parents (who by the way completely do NOT like me).. everyone, when he (girlfriends hubby) pulls out a gift for me. Instantly I knew he was up to no good when I saw the look in his eye and the giggle on my g/f’s face. I open a pack of 32 Heavy Duty AA batteries. Naturally that got everyones attention and they all look dumbfounded. Until my g/f’s GRANDMOTHER asks in front of everyone what they’re for.
You reckon I went red? That’s a fucking understatement! All eyes on me they wait for me to answer.. I was standing there opening and closing my mouth like a stunned mullet when, out of the blue, my g/f’s MOTHER decides to announce they are for my vibrator as I am always running out. If only I could go-go-gadget-go at that second and escape the boring eyes. See, normally I would be able to laugh with them about it, but I couldn’t- it was all true. I do always run out. I use so many batteries I have to budget them into our household bills.
I eventually got over the shock and basically accepted that I would be the brunt of all jokes that night. Which was kinda cool in the end, except for the fact that everybody now thought I was some kind of a freak. Maybe I am.. I did just blog about it after all..
Meh
written exclusively by Briohazard 9th January 2012
Can you imagine what sex would be like with Jim? In character of course.. so I will need to refer to him as Sheldon. I’m not whacked.. that guy is so fucking intelligent not only is it a massive turn on but with all of his know how about bits and bobs I’m pretty damn certain he would be the one and only guy in this universe that didn’t fuck using the in-out-in method. I would almost guarantee he would take it from a physiological approach and absolutely abuse the power of knowledge to my extreme benefit.. not too loudly I hope, pretty sure my mother in law wouldn’t appreciate it. Or my husband for that matter.
Add in Rhona Mitra- isn’t she just a plate of goodness? If I could take her right off of my TV screen during Boston Legal and pop her into my pocket I would. Again, in character. I’m not stupid, I already know in real life they’re nothing like their portayals.. I watch them on TV- they’re real enough… right?
Obviously not though, which brings us back to the point of why I own a vibrator and am realistic about the whole situation. Isn’t it funny.. majority of us own one but majority of people go red or giggle when you mention the dreaded V word. I am not one to be embarrassed, as you will come to learn. BUT I do make an exception to the one time I was popping over my girlfriend and her hubby’s house for their family Christmas.
No shit, everyone was exchanging gifts. Her mum, her cousins, her grandmother, his parents (who by the way completely do NOT like me).. everyone, when he (girlfriends hubby) pulls out a gift for me. Instantly I knew he was up to no good when I saw the look in his eye and the giggle on my g/f’s face. I open a pack of 32 Heavy Duty AA batteries. Naturally that got everyones attention and they all look dumbfounded. Until my g/f’s GRANDMOTHER asks in front of everyone what they’re for.
You reckon I went red? That’s a fucking understatement! All eyes on me they wait for me to answer.. I was standing there opening and closing my mouth like a stunned mullet when, out of the blue, my g/f’s MOTHER decides to announce they are for my vibrator as I am always running out. If only I could go-go-gadget-go at that second and escape the boring eyes. See, normally I would be able to laugh with them about it, but I couldn’t- it was all true. I do always run out. I use so many batteries I have to budget them into our household bills.
I eventually got over the shock and basically accepted that I would be the brunt of all jokes that night. Which was kinda cool in the end, except for the fact that everybody now thought I was some kind of a freak. Maybe I am.. I did just blog about it after all..
Meh
written exclusively by Briohazard 9th January 2012
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