introducing... me!!

Ok, so this is me... and I'm gonna get a little bit serious on this post while I try to explain who I am. I'm 28 years old, female, married mother of three. I was pregnant with my first child at the age of 16, and had my second at age 19. My third one was born when I was 25, and I am still with the same guy.. so this year will be our 13th year together 

I hate chocolate & cake with a passion- but not because I hate fatty foods. I LOVE cheese. And Iced Coffee. I am mostly a bitch, and like things to go my way.. I love serious talks about science, and am an atheist. I aspire to be an author, but for now my aim is to make some money, and I have just secured my first  job in years. I love maths in general, and do logic puzzles in my spare time. And facebook. I love to cook what I call 'traditional' meals but sometimes cheat and use a packet mix. I love attention and will make my own if I have to. I got the name briohazard for that reason.. and that is a spin off of my real name. Some mates call me B-Banger, and that is because I have a tendancy to be caught with my g-string up to my shoulders. I live in Australia and hate daylight savings.. but love the sun. I want to see & feel snow one day, and would love to see a white Christmas. All in all I'm pretty easy going, and love a laugh- I love when I see that so many people have visited my blog, as I started out purely to scratch my writing itch. Thanks for supporting my ego guys ;)

5 things not to do whilst drunk.. or sober

It's been a while since I have had internet credit, and a lot has happened in my neck of the woods. First things first, I am NOT knocked up from my drunken night out.. which is always a bonus I guess. AND I had 12 bottles of moscato delivered to me for free! All the better excuses to have more wine.. which, by the way, I happen to have a lot of at the moment. This may or may not be a good thing. Three days ago it wasn't such a good thing. Especially at lunchtime. Especially at my friends house.. especially with her parents there. ESPECIALLY when I somehow didn't notice I was the only one drinking. Uh huh.. yep, it happened JUST like that. But it DID get me thinking about what the etiquette is for drinking, because clearly I need a lesson or two. But not from my mates; who have managed to accomplish the following:

• Never decide to have a bonfire. And if you do, try not to have one in your backyard, and TRY to get some kindling first. If you haven't managed to find a better spot, or get some kindling it's probably best that you cancel the bonfire idea altogether.. because it could end up being very expensive. Some things that are flammable, and not intended for bonfires include the following: Your tupperware. Your dining chairs. Your coffee table. Your kitchen table. Your neighbours kitchen table. Your lounge suite, and your wheelbarrow. Just so you know
• Never try and steal a boat. And if you do try, it may not be a good idea to knock on the owners door and politely tell them that that is what you intend to do first. And IF you decide to be that silly, it's best you don't tell them exactly what your name is, and where you are staying so you can catch up for a coffee and tim tams the next day. It is also advisable that you know that police can and do get warrants to search your tent, and they WILL knock on your flap when you are severely hungover at daybreak.. whether you happen to be sleeping naked or not. 
• Remember who your other half is, and when you enter a decor shop together keep an eye on him. Because you may find yourself looking at products, and he may just move on elsewhere. Best you be checking faces, as you wouldn't want to sidle up to someone else, run your hands across their ass and whisper 'hey hunni' into their ear.. especially if their wife is standing right next to him, and your partner is standing 5 metres away pissing himself laughing. Especially in broad daylight where the entire store can see you, and the shop assistant that will be serving you directly. You could end up red faced, so don't do it..
• Never order absolutely everything off of the McDonalds menu, especially for two people, pay for it, then walk across the road & buy smokes and leave the entire feed at the petrol station- it could be a severe loss of money to the tune of hundreds of dollars, and leave you with nothing but smokes and an empty stomach.
• Never play truth or dare.. ever. Apart form spilling your best kept secrets, you could end up with a very uncomfortable feeling. If you choose to accept 'dare' to keep your integrity, make sure no-one happens to dare you to streak across the road, touch the fence, and run back. Because you could possibly get to the fence, realise your neighbours are in the back of their ute getting frisky.. accidently look them in the eye, and run back to find your mates have locked you out the front underneath a streetlight. And if you happen to be a guy, make damn sure it's not cold outside first

I think the etiquette is pretty clear- and I think my mates have it perfectly sorted out

perks of being a pussy

cat would be absolute bliss. Imagine, the usual, staying up late, being fed, sleeping throughout the day... the list goes on. (does that make my husband a cat??) A phone call with my friend got me thinking about this deeper.. I wondered what other quirks i would enjoy, if in fact I were a pussy....cat.

1. Not getting judged by other cats about the age you start having children, nor how many  Imagine! If your life long dream was to leave school at 14 and have 12 kids, this would be the perfect animal to be! You could have 6 kids at a time and still be appealing to other cats.. and no one will judge you! You'd have already left home and you could just lay around all day letting them tear up the place..
2. Not being laughed at about how saggy your boobs are or whether you're even wearing a bra. You could even get nipple piercings and noone will notice, stretch marks and everything get covered by an awesome layer of fur. How schmexy
3. Not having to work for a living eating out of a silver dish, being served fine food. Why, there aren't even any bills to pay .. everything is free.. no need to work! You could spend your days raising your 12 kids from 12 fathers!! 
4. Having your arrogance accepted if you want to act like a snobby toffee nosed cow it is just plain acceptable! No need for money, nice things, the best clothes.. you could live in a trash can and still turn your nose up at everyone. And think of all the cat fights you could have with the females from around the block.. oh my oh my, and you still wont get a label!
5. Back rubs lets face it.. everybody could do with a backrub. But you don't need to do the dishes, be in labour, get your sexy on, or sign over your soul to someone to recieve this! Just jump on someones lap, stretch out and relax... instantaneous massage material right there. 
6. Being able to hide from the children anywhere, and not feel bad about it! Feel like curling up and going to sleep? If you were a cat then you could! No need to worry about what your kids are doing, because it's not even your lounge suite they are tearing to shreds, or your pet fish that they are trying to eat. You don't even need to feed them, your owner will take care of that, or they will just find their own food. Get up to kids in the night? Nah, just lay on your side, expose your nipples and go back to sleep

There are certainly some perks to being a cat.. I may just possibly look into this when I'm reincarnated. Sux I don't believe in reincarnation though.. meh